If I could write a letter to me ...

Dear 15 year old Me,

I know you don’t think anyone understands or cares, and that you’re not going to really listen to any of this. That’s okay; I’m going to say it anyways. Hopefully it’ll settle somewhere in the back of your mind and one day it’ll come forth.

Hang in there. Don’t give up, you’ll make it through and have the best friend in the whole world because of it, but it’s not who you think. One day you will look back and laugh at this, but never regret it. You will live by the Navy Seals mottos like:
"The only easy day was yesterday, and that’s because it’s over."
"Damaged people are the most dangerous because they know they can survive."
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
"Never give up, never give in, never surrender."

And always remember – go hard or go home, and f*** the world!

Love, (and yes I do really mean it)
your 22 year old self

PS – Thanks for reading this letter. I really do mean it.

I know you, because I was you … hell, I still am you. I know you hurt. I know how badly you hurt and how much pain you’re in, and even though you’re not going to believe this, I honestly wish you weren’t suffering the way you are but am so happy you stuck through it. You have no idea how much I want to tell you it will get easier and you’re not going to hurt again, but that’s not true. You are going to hurt again, and again … but you’re going to stand up and say “f*** you all” and make it through. Because one day, you will realise that you can do this; you can be a survivor. And you will want to do this, and you will want to survive. You will be stronger for this. You will realise that because you know how to hurt, and what it’s like to live in pain all the time, that you can take whatever comes your way.

I wish I could promise you a perfect life, but the truth is, at 22, we don’t have a perfect life. We have a good life, and we know it, but it’s not perfect. Lots of things you thought were going to happen didn’t, but many did. Things you wished for, well, you got some and some you stopped wishing for. After 22 years of deep self-hatred (yes, it continues) and a decade of self-destruction … one day you’re going to realise that no, you are worth it, and if he can’t see that, then too effing bad. Almost overnight, you’re going to get over a lot of your problems. Yes, I still have issues, but not nearly as badly as when I was you. Now, it’s mostly with social interactions and trust. And I’m working on them, by myself, and with the help of my (our) amazing and awesome friends. Just remember … things change. People change. You will too, and sweetie, you’re going to be an amazing person.

And that randomness you’ve got? Embrace it. Sure, it’s a bit strange … but trust me, you’re going to call it “quirky” and honestly, I don’t know what I would do without it.

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