Cutting Knots: Feeling Guilty: "Images by Mikrasov Design My last post was a little self-indulgent, but I hit on a couple of ideas that are very important to the experie..."
As you can tell, I love her blog and comment on almost every post. I attempted to put a feed for it up on the side so I will not reblog her blog ... but every now and again I feel the need to add a bit more and share a bit more. There was some contemplation about responding to every post of hers with one of my own, but other than the comments and my first post about her blog, I really do not see there being a whole lot else to share.
This post of hers, about feeling guilty for hurting, is my favourite. I love them all, but this one ... it is the most important and valuable lesson she has taught me. If I happen to walk outside my flat today and someone shoots the annoying seagulls out front (they rip open the bin bags and scatter rubbish all over the cobblestone street, as well as other annoyances that have earned them death threats from others) and the bird happens to fall on my head and erase part of my memories ...
well that bird had damned well better leave this one.
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." Another Navy Seals quote I like to say to myself when I find I am wallowing in self-pity. I tell myself it is okay to be in pain, acknowledge that I hurt, try to identify the source, and then give myself a bit of time to whine about it before saying, "Right, enough of that. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. This isn't getting you anywhere; time to get back to life." Sure, I would prefer to not whine at all, but I know me. If I do not allow this self-indulgence, then I will continue to feel hurt and the anger will grow. Even if I know full well I am upset about something rather silly (like a boy rejected me or something), I still tell myself it is okay to hurt and allow some time to feel badly about it. The cause may not be as legitimate as I would like, but the hurt is real and that is all that matters. But suffering over it? I already hurt; if I can identify and acknowledge this, and take steps to get over it (and not just push it away) then I do not have to suffer.
So you hurt me ... now I am in pain. To me, this is real. But can I do anything about it? No, not really. You already hurt me and I cannot change the past. What I can do is acknowledge the pain, allow myself to experience it without guilt, and then move on past it. Because not doing so would not be you hurting me anymore; it would be me hurting me. And since I already am in pain, I would rather not add to it if avoidable.